Growth in the Wilderness by Natalia Hatton

Author:Natalia Hatton [Hatton, Natalia]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781512729948
Publisher: WestBow Press
Published: 2016-02-18T05:00:00+00:00

One of Those Moments: April 14, 2014

I have loved life even more so than usual these past months. Yes, there are always little glitches that happen, but on the whole it’s been awesome to enjoy getaways with my man, to see progress on the house front, to set goals on the business side, and just to have fun and also see the potential in all that lies ahead.

I’ve felt so full of hope for this year and next, imagining us building and moving into our new home; having a big, round belly; and becoming a family of four and so much more. I know, time is flying, and before you know it, August will be here, and we’ll see the ten-year mark on this journey of trying to conceive. Then just after that, I become thirty-five years old, which is so different compared to how I pictured being at that stage. I know it seems naïve to think my happy ending is just around the corner, as I’ve imagined scenarios and been full of hope countless times, only for it to once again not come to pass. I have no idea what God’s timing and plan are. But that fact doesn’t stop there being such a sense of anticipation for this year and the next, whether it unfolds as I picture it or not.

Just the other week I had three people ask me where things were at with our journey and upcoming treatments, and I said that the July IVF was still a go, but for now I was loving life and felt like I was on holiday, despite life’s busyness. My body didn’t have to endure treatments, my emotions didn’t need to deal with the punches, and it just felt nice. They all commented on how that fact shone through, that I was just me and enjoying life and all it held.

Given all that, I didn’t expect the weekend we just had. But for those who may not be in the know, I’ll explain a little bit first. During our first round of IVF in 2011, two embryos didn’t make it to implantation. Viewing them as life and not wanting the clinic to simply discard them in the waste, we brought them home, took a moment, and buried them in the red rose pot plant. In 2013 six more embryos were added to the pot. Each day I water the roses, and most of the time, we don’t give the matter any thought.

After several years it seemed the rose bushes didn’t like being in the pot plants and were no longer thriving. Still I continued to care for them, but last week Brett told me they were dead, and it was time to replant more. This news made me reflect on what was buried beneath the soil and how we would need to source them and bury them with new soil and plants. The situation also made me think about how much this journey affects us, about how many things “die” as a result of it—dreams, hopes, plans, even friendships, and so much more.

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